Torn

Recently I've been trying to figure out how to handle a situation that has become completely out of hand. So, let me tell you about it and maybe you can understand more than I do.

I was getting ready to catch a flight to see my mom, the morning she passed away in 2019. Perhaps one of the hardest days of my life. Walking through an airport, trying to keep my emotions in check. My mother and my step dad had been together for 25 years and were celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary just days before she passed away. It was a heartbreaking time to say the least. I had promised my mom before that I would help take care of my step dad after she was gone. She did everything for him. Paid the bills, cooked, cleaned. He mainly just worked and was waited on hand and foot. After arriving 9 hours away from where I lived, I decided to stay for as long as he needed me. (to fulfill the promise to my mom). He even asked my children to come down because he wanted family around him. So they packed their bags and come down for him.

Three months after my mom passed away, a woman approaches my step dad. She claims to have been friends with my mom and knew that she had recently passed away. She starts talking to my step dad. We (the family) try to get a long with her and be friendly, even though we think it's a little to soon to be getting into anything serious.

For a few months we invite her to hang out, dinner, play games, ect. but then she starts playing games (childish) with my step dad's emotions. She is an expert at mental warfare. Demanding that he erase all memories, items, and people related to my mom. Anytime he would resist in the slightest, she would push him away, pull him back, and try to make him for guilty for having a past. I told him what she was doing and he knew what she was doing, yet he didn't want to be alone I suppose.

About a year after the two of them fighting, breaking up, and getting back together again,I receive a phone calls from friends I have not heard from in years. Telling me that she had been accusing me of sleeping with my step dad, saying I was his unofficial wife, ect. I found it stupid and ignored it. I don't have time for high school drama. I'm an adult.

Another half a year passes, they are still fighting but the main reason seems to be me. I cook for him everyday because she doesn't know how to cook. I pay his bills, fill his pills, clean the house (from what I understand she doesn't do that either), while she goes on mini vacations, out to eat, gambling, he buys her whatever she wants. I'm still not even mad that she is still talking crap. My obligation is to my dad, she can say or do whatever she wants.

Then she insisted that he stop talking to me, so he did. Only telling to me to take care of this or that for him, other than that, not a word. She insisted that he didn't see me, so he limited his time at home. Even though we lived in the same house, he spent every waking moment with her. She claims that I am not his REAL daughter, even though I am the only child out of 6 (real and step) that uprooted their life to help take care of him.The only thing that really upset me was that he would get mad when I didn't have dinner waiting on him but I had no idea when he would be home and when he wouldn't.

Trying hard not to destroy a relationship that took us 27 years to build, I decided it was time for me to pack my things and leave. It's merely weeks now before I leave to head home after being away for 2 years. He is a little upset the kids are leaving him but glad that he will not have to fight because of me being to close to him.

She finally text me to tell me that she thought there was something going on between us and I could only reply with how stupid that sounded. She seems to take only negative aspects out of everything and run with them. I can only pity her for her outlook on life and feel sorry for how miserable she intertwines it.

Well, yesterday was my birthday. It was the first time in 27 years that my dad didn't refer to me as his daughter. I can say that hurt just a little,but I suppose her tactics have worked. She even text me to make sure that he didn't do anything special for me. (like take me out to eat or buy flowers for me) He has asked me to take my moms ashes with me and everything related to her when I leave. So, now 25 years worth of marriage memories, 27 years worth of loyal family, are now packed in a few boxes awaiting departure. I know this is most likely the last time I will see my dad, but what can I do? I think I could be a little more understanding if my mom had cheated and left him for someone else, but she died. And she loved him until her last breath. I wanted his remaining years to be happy, but not filled with chaos. I have no choice but to walk away in silence and leave things as they are now. I won't regret my decision on walking away but he might regret throwing us away one day.