Time

Yesterday I did something that I had not done in many years. I rode a bike through our neighborhood with my children. To some that would seem like no big deal, but for me it was a realization of how quickly life truly passes you by. As I watched my children, who are all grown now, riding ahead of me and teasing for me for not keeping up to their pace; I could only ponder about where the time had gone. I swear just the other day, they were still small, but today they are all adults with their own ambitions and lives. I suppose it's bitter sweet in a way. Once they needed me for everything, now they want me for everything. However, time stops for no man and one day, I will no longer be with them.

Wrinkles are slowly appearing on my face or as my daughter has told me "life marks" and my body struggles everyday to keep up. And even though I know my life is over half way gone, I still can't help to wonder if I've done enough for them. Have I prepared them enough? Will they be okay without me? I suppose a worry every parent has.

I've been told they I'm a different kind of parent. When people tell me how amazing my kids are, I always reply with "They raised me right." The puzzled look on people's face always makes me grin but in reality, it's the truth.

I was 18 when I had my eldest son and extremely unprepared for what laid ahead for us. All I knew at time was I had to protect him. His happiness became mine. I was married and determine to give him everything in world. A healthy and stable life with no worries, but reality isn't always what we envision.

A few years later, I got pregnant with my daughter. The doctors urged me to abort her because she had cyst on her brain. Even if she did survive in my womb, giving birth to her could kill us both. My decision not to abort put a huge strain on my marriage, but I refused to give in. If it killed us both, than it was meant to be. I would take the risk. So, I did. The result in the end, I had the most amazing daughter in the world. Healthy and happy. However, my marriage did not withstand the storm, but I have no regrets.

Three years later, I got pregnant with my youngest son. My handful of the bunch. He was the one that came into this world trying to do things his way by being breach and still going strong with doing things his way.

Even though the road I've went down left me a single mom with lots of twist and turns, I can honestly say, I have no regrets for the decisions that I've made. I've struggled, cried, laughed, learned, but most of all, I've loved. Without those 3 amazing people by my side, I wouldn't have made it this far. For that, I am forever grateful and blessed. I can only pray that I've given them, as much as they have given me.